Saturday, December 1, 2007


So here I sit, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon (my last one of freedom for a while I might add) and I should be outside loving the fall weather, going for a drive in the mountains, taking Baxter for a walk...SOMETHING.

Instead, I sit here in my room, writing my blog, flipping between football, Spiderman and Comedy Central. I should be getting laundry done, my room cleaned up, because since I got home from Cali (over a week or so ago) I have yet to finish unpacking, do laundry and make sure I have clean clothes for work tomorrow.

All this makes me wonder, am I just plain lazy lately or am I slipping back into depression again? I for the love of God hope not, as I can't stand being on the meds it takes to "even you out". I don't feel like things in life are out of control, I don't feel like my life is going nowhere fast, or any of the things that I was going through before when I fought it off and won. Maybe I need more sunshine, maybe more exercise, maybe a new life challenge...maybe what? I'm working on going to the gym more (really, I am.), I'm starting a new part time job next week, and yet...I feel somewhat lost and confused right now and I don't know if it's because of where I'm at, or what.

Is it because I'm really trying to be frugal and save money and pay bills and therefore lack of funds means lack of fun? Or is it because I am still feeling so overwhielmed by living where I am, that nothing but freedom will change my outlook on things???

I'm over feeling this way, but I'm really beginning to wonder what it's going to take to help me get over the "hump" if I'm really in a rut...

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