Saturday, February 27, 2010

Bittersweet Excitment

I sit here, 7am, on a Saturday, writing.  Normally, I am BEYOND comatose.  Saturday mornings I try to sleep in a bit so that I can recharge from the week.  Not this Saturday, today...I move.

Today, I move into the first place since my first little apartment after college, that I qualified for all on my own.  No roommates, just me and 720 square feet of mine.  (To answer the question, no, I don't own it, I'm renting, but's mine.)  It's closer to work, it's closer to a lot of my friends and church, and I'm not living in my parents' basement at age 31. 

I'm ready to be on my own, have been for a long time, but until now, due to unforeseen circumstances that were beyond my control and the grace that my parents have shown me (more than I'd care to admit or deserve), I wasn't truly ready or appreciative. 

I had my freedom, or at least pieces of it for a long time until I discovered those pesky little things called credit cards.  This led to my first stint at living at home (this was many moons ago, and at this point I had lived with one girl who had never lived away from home before or gone to college, (she was 3-4 years younger than I) and a friend from college).  I will never deny that I dug myself into that hole, and I've had some help digging out of it.  Then, I moved out with two roommates, and while I never felt so safe as living with the boys and all the firepower they kept in the house, sadly the bills weren't getting paid by one of the roommates, causing me to have to pay most of them by myself or at least 2/3.  I moved home again after that fiasco.  Then, a friend from church offered for me to live with her at a very reasonable rent and I took her up on it.  Looking back on the situation, I definitely learned what NOT to do.  But, I am trying to move past that 8 months of my life, and move on.  I've never been one whose dwells on the hurts of the past, and since this is one I am having a hard time letting go of, I need to work on it.  My new roommate (me) and I get along great, although at times we piss each other off.  However, at least arguments between us end up pretty one sided and easy to win.  I'm looking forward to it.


I've been very lucky in the times where I have needed to for multitudes of reasons, to be able to move back home with my folks.  Is it my ideal?  No.  Is it humbling?  As all get out.  Is it where I was supposed to be?  Apparently.  I hope my parents know that I have never tried to purposefully take their kindness, support and love for granted, no matter how frustrated with my living situation I am/was.  

I have to be honest, this time, leaving home is a bit more bittersweet.  I loved being here while my sister was here before her wedding.  Melissa and I have grown closer in the last few years, but being able to help her day in and day out (when we both were home) with wedding details, help her with things that only a sister can, all those little things.  I've been home leading up into my brother's wedding.  Now, this is completely different than helping in your sister's wedding, but I have gotten to spend time with my soon to be sister-in-law and have loved hanging out with her and getting to know her a bit more.

This last stint at home, I've been a lot more financially stable than in the past, with occasional moments of weakness/stupidity, but I can honestly say I'm doing a lot better than before.  I have my dad to thank for that, many knock down, ugly nights of sitting in the den looking at my checking account, trying to figure out what my next move should be (no judgment, at 30 yes, I still didn't have all my spending under control, but hey, I'm getting better) etc.  Now, I'm doing a heckuva lot better than when I started this last journey.

I'll be honest, no rent is a great reason to stay somewhere, but it's not always the best.  My folks are getting older, and are ready for their empty nest in ways, but I think that come April, after my brother and sister in law get married, and I'm gone, and Melissa will have been gone for a year, they are going to be in for a bit of a shock to not have one of us around, or our multitudes of friends,
parading through the house.

I feel, in ways, like this is the first of many firsts this weekend, and while I'm slightly sad at the thought of moving away, it's bittersweet excitement that I feel, because while I may be leaving my folks house (which is exciting don't get me wrong), I know it will always be home.  The excitement part comes in because it's a new chapter in my life, and hopefully this chapter will bring closure, peace and forgiveness to parts that have been churned up and frustrating for so long.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Why Even Bother...A Random Moment of Weakness and News

I was only gone for three days.  THREE DAYS.  I had a temp scheduled, she cam in on Wednesday, I went over the basics of what I needed her to do.  She took copious notes.  I felt pretty good about it.  I left her detailed instructions on the one or two things I forgot to show her.  Left my cell number in case she needed something she just couldn't figure out.

Mini stay-cation...omg...I SO need to do that more often.  yes, I booked myself solid for 5 days, but it was so much fun.  I didn't sleep in much but between finally getting my hair cut, seeing a play, hanging out with friends and family, play a LOT of Rock Band, and laid low.  It felt glorious.

I relaxed on the last day of my mini stay-cation. I didn't get out of pj's all day.  Did laundry, played Wii w/my brother, cleaned...all kinds of that mundane stuff that tends to stack up.  I was ready to go back to work on Tuesday from the standpoint that no matter what I knew that there would be some catch-up to be done.  Yeah, I missed that by a long shot.  Not only did she leave me a mess...she left me a story too.

Apparently she came in Thursday but had to leave early b/c she was the "only one" who could go to her house for something (rumor was the excuse she gave was that her alarm went off and someone was breaking into the house).  If that truly happened, I wouldn't blame her for taking off.  But then she came back...if someone broke into your house and stole all your electronics, why on God's green earth would you come back to work?  I don't get it.  Friday, apparently she got a flat tire (happens to the best of us) but has to spare tire.  What?  Who doesn't have a spare tire?  She eventually took so long to even get close to coming in, that my boss told her to just not come in.  Monday...she just no call no showed.  Way to go.  You just got your temp service fired from us ever using them again!  In the meantime, two and a half days of work sat on my desk piled up for me.  Welcome back from a relaxing vacation J!  Three weeks ago, my co-worker The Crazy Italian quit.  I've been flying solo for 3 weeks, and I can honestly say I have never been more excited for someone to start work.  My new co-worker starts tomorrow!  Now, yes I'm a bit odd to be this excited to have a co-worker, but this co-worker is a friend of mine, I've mentioned her before, she used to work for another medical practice, and we share an affinity for a certain NFL quarterback who will or won't be back again after coming out of retirement Twice.  Judas.  Anyways...C starts work tomorrow, and I can't begin to express how excited I am to have a competent counterpart!  Don't get me wrong, TCI was more than competent...just very negative on everything and I am ready for some sunshine again.


We all know I'm a facebook junkie.  In my feed the other day, a friend from college befriended a guy I had a HUGE crush on in college.  Now, of course, 10 years after graduation, I had to click on the name to make sure it was who I thought it was.  Ohhhhh yeah.  Married, still adorable, and his wife is gorgeous and their little boy is so cute.  (Can you tell he obviously didn't have a closed profile?  What this?  2 albums of pictures that are wiiiide open?  Why yes, yes I will!)  So normally not a huge deal, ah neat, another person from college...but for some reason, the other day it made me pause ans start going down the "why not me" (not necessarily with him) path.  I don't go down this path very often because I hate dwelling on things I can't change or that bring me down. However, ask my BFF's, they will attest to the fact that every once in a while, I wallow for a day or two.  Then I'm back to my normal self.


I AM MOVING!!!  I've been pretty tight lipped with details only because I didn't want to jinx anything, and technically I don't "have" the condo yet.  I have to go and sign the lease Friday night.  However, my latest stint of living with the 'rents because of the housing debacle of 2008/2009 is thisclose to be behind me!!!  No roommate(s), just me and my fabulous self.

Now, it's been YEARS since I have had any of my own kitchen stuff (among other things) out of boxes, I honestly couldn't tell you what is in any of them (except for the ones that I had the clarity enough to label correctly), but I foresee a lot of dishwasher running going on in my near future.  I went to my storage unit today, Dad in tow, to straighten up, condense down and get ready for moving day.  It's official; the storage unit is ready to go.  The things I have at my folks house (bedding, clothes, bathroom things, Wii, Tivo, small TV, books, handful of DVD's etc) are not however.  I purposely left 90% of this week open to pack and get things ready to go.  Instead, I managed to book 30% of my wee (and I swear, that's only 2 nights!) but if I can manage to get a lot done tonight (so yes, I should wrap up my blog/epistle) then that makes it that much easier the rest of this week after work.  I hate packing.  For the few things I know are here, good Lord, they fill up boxes fast.  I was thinking I'd only have a few...apparently, I thought wrong.  Amazing how much crap/stuff one person accumulates in the span of one year...and I've been good, been on a budget and haven't really bought that much "stuff".  (Books don't count as "stuff", they are a category all on their own.)

So to wrap up, the temp sucked, I'm excited that C is starting work with me tomorrow, and my (old) new Indian name is: Dances With Cardboard.  Catch you later!!!