Thursday, March 26, 2009

Gunshy

So the last year has been quite the circle.  

This time last year, I had just celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my last practice.  I love(d) my docs and co-workers, hate(d) my paycheck.  I knew I could earn more and do well at what I do.  

I turned 30 in June, a big birthday, I threw myself a big party.  I wanted a Wii as my present.  My amazing sister and future brother-in-law, made it happen (by recruiting lots of friends and their financial contributions) and gave me a great present to go along with a great party.

My little sister got engaged!  I'm so excited for her.  I am dying to use the line from 27 Dresses on the next person who asks me (and hasn't already gotten my answer) how I'm doing with the fact that my younger sister is getting married before me.  Um, last I checked, I'm not dead.  Yet.

I moved out of living with my folks after getting back on my feet and moved in with a roommate.

I had fallen pretty hard for a guy I met at church.  I thought the world of him.  My roommate fell for him after we started hanging out.  They started dating.  This rocked my world to it's core.  I felt a myriad of emotions, all of which I do not need to go into now.

I found a new job that pays me a lot closer to what I feel I'm worth.  They appreciate me, not that my last job didn't, but I feel like here I actually make my own little difference in the world.  Don't get me wrong, I know I touched some patients' lives at my last practice, at least I really tried to.  In my current job, I don't know, maybe it's because cancer has affected my own life so deeply, here I just feel like I'm doing my little part to fight this nasty disease.  

Made it through the holidays, single.  Again.  Hmmm...*checking pulse* yup, still not dead.  Yet.

Happy New Year!  

Still working at the same place, living in the same place.  Roommate is still dating the guy.  End of January, they broke up...not pretty...but somehow, by no strength of my own, was able to be supportive of a fellow woman with a broken heart.

February brought change; change of address.  Things happened suddenly and very unexpectedly.  I am now a resident of the lovely city of Arvada again, living with my parents.  Not my ideal...but it will work for the time being.  Plus this way, am able to spend more time with my sister prior to wedding festivities.

Have noticed someone lately...but because of what happened in the last six months, am incredibly hesitant to verbalize any kind of feeling for fear that it will be snatched away again.  Maybe not by the same person, but by someone else.  I got burned pretty badly this last go round and the thought of putting myself through those feelings again, makes me want to never admit that *checking pulse* yup, still not dead...yet.  

One of my closest and dearest girlfriends makes a great point, if you don't take a risk, you can't make a gain.  (I also have a close male confidant who has put this to my attention many a time in the past too...)  But once you are burned, what sane person wants to put your hand out over that flame again?

I guess the only way to not be gunshy with the sound of the starting gun is to just keep running the race...look out starting line...I'm starting to lace up my shoes.  (What, I have to start somewhere...and no *checking pulse* STILL not dead.  Yet.)