2009 got off to a yucky and rough start.
My roommate at the time, was dating the guy I had liked for over a year, and I could tell they were headed for a nasty breakup, and they did. Not only did I have to endure living with the relationship in the house I lived in, but I had to pick up the pieces of the nasty breakup. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
In church you're told/taught that you should always turn the other cheek and love no matter what happens. Yes, this is true...but I guess I never realized how incredibly hard it is/was until I personally had to make the best of this situation and do exactly that. Do I still socialize with this former roommate? Only when forced to. Am I still hurt and bitter about this as well as what happened in the month following helping her through this incredibly ugly and bad breakup? You bet your ass I am. Will I ever be over it? Time heals a lot of things, and I sincerely hope that with time I will completely be over this situation. But, being just shy of a year past all of these things, I can honestly say I'm not over it...part of me is still VERY angry with my former roommate for what happened. I'm hurt that someone could basically cast aside any friendship for selfish reasons, and can without regard for how it will affect someone else's life, make decisions that radically change it.
In February, this same roommate lost our house to foreclosure. I can't wish this kind of misfortune on anyone, and I wouldn't. However as someone who was paying her rent money every month, I think I deserved a bit more notice that my living situation was about to change radically.
Thankfully, I am quite quick at adapting to life's situations and my annoying way of having a sunny outlook/finding that silver lining is a way that not only I think preserves me for the moment that I'm going through, but it also helps me realize, that no matter how bad the situation may be, God knows it could always be worse.
When former roommate and I parted ways, my housing options were pretty limited. So, I moved home. I'm so not thrilled with the fact that I'm 31 and living at home because my roommate couldn't manage her money. But (here comes that annoying silver lining) I got to be here for all of the little intricacies for the end of wedding planning for my sister and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
The rest of 2009, while eventful, was relatively drama free compared to 2008. I am still with the same job, I have money to pay my bills, (which thanks to no rent are slowly coming around), I have a roof over my head that is also filled with people that I know love me. I have an abundantly busy social life (sometimes too busy, but that comes back to establishing boundaries, see my other blog entry here).
I catch up with friends who I haven't talked to in a long time and one of the first questions some ask, is "so, any new men in your life?" and just recently I have come to the conclusion (with help from a couple conversations with my bff CB) that if I'm going to find someone to be in my life, he has to compliment my life, not complicate it. Tall order to fill...but if he's worth it, he will. Do I wish I was in a relationship some days? Hell yes, I'm human. Do I look at couples some days and say "THANK GOD it's not me!"? Hell yes again. I see the drama that some folks put themselves through, and am glad that I'm not in that situation. I also see other couples that are not as drama-filled and wish/hope for that in my future relationship.
(I promise I'll revisit this soon...but my poor brain just can't do much more right now.)