2009 In Retrospect...

So my bff CB, did this amazing look back at her life over the course of the last year...and has come to some pretty awesome conclusions about where she sees her life going. Her goals are incredible, and yet I KNOW she'll reach and exceed all of them. This particular blog is definitely going to be one in progress, and will most likely be one that I update more than a couple times because I don't have it in me to be deep for more than about 5 minutes.

2009 got off to a yucky and rough start.

My roommate at the time, was dating the guy I had liked for over a year, and I could tell they were headed for a nasty breakup, and they did. Not only did I have to endure living with the relationship in the house I lived in, but I had to pick up the pieces of the nasty breakup. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

In church you're told/taught that you should always turn the other cheek and love no matter what happens. Yes, this is true...but I guess I never realized how incredibly hard it is/was until I personally had to make the best of this situation and do exactly that. Do I still socialize with this former roommate? Only when forced to. Am I still hurt and bitter about this as well as what happened in the month following helping her through this incredibly ugly and bad breakup? You bet your ass I am. Will I ever be over it? Time heals a lot of things, and I sincerely hope that with time I will completely be over this situation. But, being just shy of a year past all of these things, I can honestly say I'm not over it...part of me is still VERY angry with my former roommate for what happened. I'm hurt that someone could basically cast aside any friendship for selfish reasons, and can without regard for how it will affect someone else's life, make decisions that radically change it.

In February, this same roommate lost our house to foreclosure. I can't wish this kind of misfortune on anyone, and I wouldn't. However as someone who was paying her rent money every month, I think I deserved a bit more notice that my living situation was about to change radically.

Thankfully, I am quite quick at adapting to life's situations and my annoying way of having a sunny outlook/finding that silver lining is a way that not only I think preserves me for the moment that I'm going through, but it also helps me realize, that no matter how bad the situation may be, God knows it could always be worse.

When former roommate and I parted ways, my housing options were pretty limited. So, I moved home. I'm so not thrilled with the fact that I'm 31 and living at home because my roommate couldn't manage her money. But (here comes that annoying silver lining) I got to be here for all of the little intricacies for the end of wedding planning for my sister and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

The rest of 2009, while eventful, was relatively drama free compared to 2008. I am still with the same job, I have money to pay my bills, (which thanks to no rent are slowly coming around), I have a roof over my head that is also filled with people that I know love me. I have an abundantly busy social life (sometimes too busy, but that comes back to establishing boundaries, see my other blog entry here).

I catch up with friends who I haven't talked to in a long time and one of the first questions some ask, is "so, any new men in your life?" and just recently I have come to the conclusion (with help from a couple conversations with my bff CB) that if I'm going to find someone to be in my life, he has to compliment my life, not complicate it. Tall order to fill...but if he's worth it, he will. Do I wish I was in a relationship some days? Hell yes, I'm human. Do I look at couples some days and say "THANK GOD it's not me!"? Hell yes again. I see the drama that some folks put themselves through, and am glad that I'm not in that situation. I also see other couples that are not as drama-filled and wish/hope for that in my future relationship.

(I promise I'll revisit this soon...but my poor brain just can't do much more right now.)

The Magic Word

We are raised to use "Please" and "Thank You" in our every day lives. We are taught from the time when we can understand Big Bird that please is the magic word to get what we are wanting/needing.

As an adult, I've discovered a new magic word. NO.

It's next to impossible for some of us to learn to say this word. I know that I have had an extremely hard time re-acquainting myself with this word. As children we are all VERY familiar with it. (Who hasn't heard a precocious 3 year old loudly proclaim "NO, MOMMY!!" when in a restaurant/grocery store etc?) As you grow older, you learn to spare people's feelings, and bend your schedule to accommodate other folks.

I had myself extremely overbooked and since I am a people pleaser, it is extremely hard for me to say no to something. I am normally the person that will just make things work to help out whoever I can. Don't get me wrong I love helping folks out. I just lost sight of boundaries. I got a rude awakening this summer when I agreed to take on a project that while near and dear to my heart as a cause, I could already see into the future was going to eat up any possible free time I may have had as well as been a bad match with the cause's leader. It took me a week of going back and forth, fearing that the people I agreed to help would be disappointed in me, that they wouldn't want my help in any other capacity. Instead, when I said I had to step down, while it was met with resistance, when I stood my ground, it was AMAZING the feeling I felt afterwards.

Since then I have learned that wielding that word can prove dangerous, yet fruitful at the same time. Dangerous in the sense that if you don't phrase your answer juuuuuust right, you might truly hurt someone you didn't mean to, and the time to recover that is harder than the time it would have taken for you to think about what you were about to say. Fruitful because it sets up a boundary with some people that may need to be pushed back in your life for a season. You don't hate them, you don't not want them in your life, you just want them to respect the fact that you have to have some time (no matter how little it seems) for YOU.

How Full Is Your Tank?

Now, some would take this cliche (I can't for the life of me figure out the damn accent thing on words like that or fiance.) phrase a bunch of different ways. Is your emotional tank full? Is your spiritual tank full? Is your financial tank...you get the point.

However, since we all know that I am not a deep philosophical person...I simply mean energy wise. In otherwords: Am I the only person on earth who seems to be absolutely exhausted ALL of the time? (Yes, I've had my thyroid checked and no I don't have mono, so let's just get that out of the way now.) I don't know if it is the time of year with all the hustle and the bustle, the parties, the white elephant gifts you need to dig out of nowhere for that Secret Santa you forgot (no, I swear, it didn't happen to me.), the fact that it gets darker so much earlier in the day or what.

I am BEAT. Yes, I could go to bed earlier, but guess what, even if I'm all tucked in (TV off, laptop closed down etc) my brain refuses to shut off until at least 1130 or later. Last night, prime example. I didn't start making Pretzel Magic until 1030pm. By the time I sat down to wrap my brother, brother-in-law and sister's birthday presents for today, it WAS today. 15 minutes INTO today. I am not a morning person, not since working at the hospital (even then it was a struggle at times) have I been able to go to bed so early and then get up and work at 7am. Thankfully, I don't have to be at work until 830 now. Is it greedy that I would kill to be able to be in at 9 instead, and yet leave at 4 instead of 5? (I know...never gonna happen...) Maybe it's the lazy side of me, maybe it's the social butterfly in me...who knows. What has to give? Social interactions (the thing that I think I crave more often than ice cream)? If that is what I decide I have a hard time thinking about the fact that means telling more folks no. I REVELED in the fact that I had 2 whole nights where I didn't have to be anywhere at all other than the recliner those nights if I wanted to.

Ok, that is my little rant for the time being. I reserve the right to come back and edit as time allows/if I am up to it!

What I'm Thankful For...

So lots of folks had been posting their facebook statuses as things that they are thankful for. I love seeing what folks are thankful for, but I am a twisted individual and would rather try to vent a bit o' frustration or attempt to be humorous via my status updates, so instead, I am going to post what I am thankful for this way. Now, I did begin this waaaay before Thanksgiving, I just didn't get around to posting it until now. As for the what I'm thankful for, I could just rattle them off, but I thought about challenging myself a bit. I figure I'm 31 (yup...that's right...) so I should have at LEAST 31 reasons to be thankful for, and I am sure that I do...but when I sat down to write my list, I tapped out at 23. If you notice one GLARINGLY bad one missing...feel free to let me know!

Now, my list will have things both real and what may sound trivial (to some). Pfft...this is my list. I'll list how I want to!

1. Dad

2. Mom

3. Melissa - for our marathon discussions

4. Kurt - for what he does with his kids

5. Chris - for how happy he makes Melissa

6. Maggy - for how happy she makes Kurt

7. Baxter - for comic relief and fur therapy

8. Work - pays the bills and I feel like I actually make a teeny difference

9. Friends - too many to list and the ways they impact my life are too numerous to count

10. Food - need it to live, but I'm also lucky to have what I have instead of nothing at all!

11. Love - from friends, family and God most of all!

12. Life - the alternative wouldn't be as fun...(heaven yes, death, no.)

13. Flatirons - for keeping me grounded and making me think

14. My small group - for making life's ups and downs a bit easier knowing I'm not the only one living this roller coaster!

15. Target - yes it's odd, but I have a love/hate relationship with Target. I love to shop there b/c I can find what I need for less than most other stores (normally) but I hate it because I walk in needing socks and walk out $50 later.

16. iTunes - to keep my drives from being boring

17. Email - to stay in touch with those not close by

18. Facebook - (I just heard half of you laugh at me and/or roll your eyeballs.) Has connected me with many long lost friends, and has distracted me for numerous mundane hours.

19. Laughter - without it, I'd die.

20. Where I Live - Colorado is called "God's Country" for a reason...

21. Our military - without them and their sacrifices, I wouldn't be able to write what I'm writing today, let alone live my life without fear.

22. Hugs - nothing will make a bad situation a bit easier or another person feel a smidge better than a good ol' fashioned hug. Don't do it if you don't mean it either.

23. My (annoyingly) sunny outlook on things - if I don't see that glass as half full...I will go stark raving mad. Why focus on negative when there is ALWAYS a silver lining.

And THAT is what I'm thankful for. :)

Reminding Myself to Have Patience With Patients

I posted a while ago (like over a year and change ago) about a particular experience with a potential patient at my last practice. (You can find that story here.) Today, while in no way comparable to the woman in the story referenced above, I did receive a rather odd request.

Today I called a patient to schedule her for a follow up to her MRI she recently had done. Now, this patient is a difficult patient in many ways, but to give you the short list, here we go:

• Very rude woman
• Demands things be done her way and NOW.
• Terrible at returning phone calls/messages.

I even turned to TCI (The Crazy Italian for those that don't know) and asked her "what do you want to bet that I don't even get her when I call and if I do, she won't have her schedule there and will want me to call her back?"

I was right, to a point.

When she answered, I was floored. I was right though in the fact that she didn't know her schedule, so she asked me to call back, HOWEVER in my defense, when she picked up the phone I asked her "is this a good time?" she said yes! So, if it really isn't a good time, maybe you shouldn't answer your cell phone...just a thought though. Anyways, I asked her if she was available either of the times I had available and she said 'sigh No, I need a later appointment, so you need to ask Dr. M when he is willing to stay late for me to come and see him.'

I'm sorry, what? Where on earth do you think you can schedule an appointment with a doctor AFTER HIS LAST APPOINTMENT?? I know that this woman comes from a bit of a drive, and I know that the drive can be bothersome, but COME ON...if you have to have a follow up visit with your radiation ONCOLOGIST...you might tell work to shove it for a couple hours so that you could go to your doctor's appointment.

I swear...some people's children...wow.

UPDATE: I just had a phone call from a patient who I am working on getting a prior authorization for his procedure. Sadly his was one of the ones I just didn't get to before the Thanksgiving holiday. I explained to him how I was going to TRY to get to it today if not first thing tomorrow. Apparently this wasn't enough for him. He just left our nurse a *wonderful* voicemail. I cut our patients a lot (and I mean a LOT) of slack but I have to stop and wonder at times if patients think all there is to it is just calling and talking to one person. NO. Most times, this takes me 3 phone calls, submission of clinical data and sitting on hold for a very. long. time. Also, I don't just do prior authorizations. I do scheduling, I order supplies, I manage 2 very busy and slightly high strung doctors, a nurse and a therapist as well as maintaining billing and checking patients in and out. You think my job is that easy? YOU come sit here for a day and tell me how you feel at the end.

Ok, I"m off my soapbox now...sheesh.

A Blog I Started A While Ago

Yeahhhh...so I started this forever and a day ago...and there is some good stuff in here...but I also whine a bit...

I started C25K and I debated even saying anything to anyone. Instead, I posted how excited I was after my first run, and received amazing amounts of compliments and comments of support. I fell off the wagon for a little bit (a week) and am back on it. I have to force myself to go to the gym. I need to somehow get my mind back into the game of going to the gym right after instead of steering my car homeward. Before Melissa and Chris' wedding, I was dedicated...every night after work, and I had put out a ton of money to have a trainer to kick my ass back into gear. I don't know if it was because of that oh so fun dress, or was it because I felt like it was about time I finally did something or what...(okay, I know the answer to this, most of it was the dress...big girl arms in a strapless dress...photos don't lie)

My life seems to never stop. I've kind of talked about this before. I love my friends dearly, and I adore spending time with all of them. I am lucky in a couple ways because I am still single, I can come and go as I please, don't have to check with someone else's schedule, I don't have to rush home. However, I do work.

I work hard. I take pride in my work and what I do. My job is relatively easy compared to say, being a doctor, lawyer, high powered executive etc. I am a Medical Administrative Assistant, Insurance Verification Specialist, Insurance Authorization Specialist, Scheduler, On-Site IT lackey and Office Supply Coordinator. Allllll rolled up into 40 hours a week. No more. Overtime is a big no no. I leave work at night and am so mentally exhausted, the only thing that sounds even remotely do-able is vegging out in front of the TV.

I am a girl who has an extremely hard time saying no to things. And normally when I do say yes to so many things, I am exhausted by the end of everything, but I love it because apparently my body doesn't like it when I just sit. (Btw...I never just sit.) I worked two jobs for years...and at one point for about 6 months (maybe less) I worked 3 at a time. Yeah, I had no life. Now, I work one job, and fill the rest of my time with friends, volunteering and somewhere in there I think I sleep. Well, I know I've said before, that I would really like to un-busy myself somehow. This would entail me needing to start saying no to things when asked. (Sidenote...I'm in Starbucks and they have a Tony Bennett ballad playing and I love him, but now I'm feeling all kinds of sleepy...lol) I have to report, I am rather proud of myself, while I struggled to decide if I should finally say no or not...I did. It was hard...I had to say no to something that I truly love doing. But when I did finally send off that email stating that I just had to step down to be fair not only to them but myself...I had a couple of feelings...one of dread of what these people were going to think of me and another of sheer relief. I had said that I would be able to deliver something and the more I got involved, the more I saw that I just wasn't going to be able to do that so I felt it was in everyone's best interest if I stepped down before things ramped up so much that I was failing them. Yeah, that didn't go over so well, but thankfully b/c it was a volunteer position, there wasn't TOO much grumbling.

(Okay, it's now been FOREVER since I started this and since I have another thread in mind, I need to publish this one so it isn't nagging me anymore...so there.)

:D

Smug Asshats...

When do you finally get to that point where if you don't say something, it's just going to get worse?

I work with some really cool and really smart people. I do! I also work with one very smug asshat. We'll call this person...(something witty that I can't think of right now, but will ultimately make you giggle) yeah...that. This person walks around the office, scratch that, they STRUT around the office like they own the place. Uh, yeah no. If this person's ego were any bigger...I'd be shocked if they could fit through our sliding glass double doors.

When this person started, I was welcoming, tried to help ease transition (as I had only joined the team about 5 months prior myself) and we started just kind of getting to know each other. Now, I'm lucky if I even get the time of day. In a way, I'm soooo happy with that because I'm tired of their sense of entitlement. The world does not revolve around you, no matter what your mommy says. Sorry bud, not true. The other part of me (this person and I are the youngest folks in our office by about 15-20 years) is bummed that a camaraderie has died.

I'm sure I will live to see another day.

(PS: this too was a blog that was started quite a while ago...it's amazing how these things just stack up...)

UPDATE: 10 days after I wrote this blog...this person got themselves fired. Karma people...karma...

The Theatre, the Theatre, what has HAPPENED to the theatre???

Yes, I'll admit it, I totally stole my title from one of my all time favorite movies, and if you can name it, wow, I will be thoroughly impressed. Moving on.

Last night, my friend CMM and I went to the beautiful Performing Arts Center in downtown Denver. We have had tickets to Wicked for forever and FINALLY the big green day was here!! C had never seen Wicked, this was my second go round. Now, since this isn't a blog about the wonderfulness of Wicked, I will refrain from spontaneously bursting into song on the page. However, if you can, get tickets and get your butt to the show...omilord, it's the most amazing thing...ever. No really. Okay, enough, time for real reason for writing.

I was a theatre minor in college, so I feel like I have SOME authority to speak on this issue, however theatre majors, you and Broadway (not Hollywood, BROADWAY) professionals, you may supersede my thoughts.

I know that society's version of dressing up nowadays, is COMPLETELY different than what it was "back in the day". For this in some ways (like I don't HAVE to wear a dress to church anymore) I am thankful. However, going to a Broadway show (touring etc.) or going to see a play in general, in my opinion is still a reason to dress up. Jeans and a t-shirt...mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah no. Khaki's and a button down? Okay, but did you really even try? There were PLENTY of people who did dress up, in fact the people who didn't were in the minority, I have to be honest.

But this wasn't even the thing that got to me most about last night. What floored me the most, was the fact that in all the years I have gone to the Temple Buell Theatre in Denver, NEVER were you allowed to bring your drink in to the theatre with you. Now, not only can you do that but there are cupholders as if you are the average neighborhood movie theatre. I don't know how to respond to this...I'm floored and outraged in one respect, but I'm kind of not surprised in another. Is nothing sacred? I saw a woman (dressed nicely) come back from intermission with a beer bottle in her hand as if she was at a baseball game. No judgement on the beer, but more disappointment in the theatre.

ALSO on the theatre's website it says to plan for traffic, other events in the area, etc. and that there is a good possibility of not being seated late. Good grief you would have thought they were simply waiting for the break in the action like they do at Coors Field with the Rockies! PEOPLE! You are going to a play at a performing arts complex, you have paid good money for seats. It is considered extremely poor form to show up 20 minutes into the show and take your seat. I know, I sound snobby, and maybe I am being that just a touch, but I knew I had tickets, I came from about 45 minutes away, knew I'd be sitting in rush hour traffic (Hwy 36 AND I-25, so double the frustration) so I planned ahead! I actually made it to the theatre with about an hour to spare before C and I were meeting up. Am I saying get to the theatre as early as I did? Heavens no! I had so much time to kill, I spent most of it on the phone with my friend Soccer Mom. However, I do mean, get to the theatre early enough that you are able to be in your seats at least 5-10 minutes before that time that is stamped on your tickets you've had for probably a couple months.

So, to sum up...

1 - Show up to the show on time

2 - Look like you actually TRIED to look nice for your evening at the theatre.

3 - Leave the beverage in the lobby, I don't want to have to worry about my purse under my seat like I do my coat at the baseball game.

4 - Have an amazing time and enjoy yourselves...theatre is a living, breathing work of art...and those actors, bust their a$$es every night making you laugh, cry and that play come alive.

That's Not My Name...

There is a song out right now by The Ting's called "That's Not My Name" and to be honest, it is VERY fitting right now.

My boss seems to have a very distinct issue with my name.  He can't remember it, and therefore instead calls me Janelle.

I work at the front desk, I answer the phone, people butcher my name all the time.  Half the time I never see these people anyways, so it's no big deal, Coleen, Julie, all kinds of things.  I even have no issues with when people butcher the spelling of my name (and trust me, with my first and last names, that's an almost daily occurrence).  If I don't spell it out for you...most people would have no idea how to spell it.  Oh some take some interesting stabs at it, don't get me wrong.

Here's the thing...I work with my boss every day.  I'm not in some corner tucked away where he can't see me or deal with me every day.  He sees me whenever he walks out into the main area of our office.  I do projects for him DAILY.  He's taken to the whole "What can I do for ya girlfriend?" when I enter his office with a question.  While I appreciate how casual and laid back our office is, I'm not so sure I'm thrilled with this cop out for not saying my name.

I guess after two months of busting my @$$ for him, it's not enough for him to remember.  I don't know what bugs me more...the fact that he doesn't learn my name or laughs every time I correct him.  I think I deserve at least enough respect from you that you learn my name.  

To him/everyone else it may not be something, but I love my name.  My name is unusual.  You don't meet many Jolene's in this world.  I am named after some amazing women and I'm proud of that.  All I ask is the respect I and my name are due.

Friendly advice...round 2

Ok, so we've covered the profile picture no-no of sandwiching yourself between two Hooters girls here. Now tonight's lesson: if you are going to upload two pictures, fine. However, DON'T post the one where you look like a Dr. Seuss character.

Good grief. Does anyone else see it? Or is it just me??

I swear...