A Mish-Mash, if you will...

So here I sit, at work, and I am bored.

I know that quite a few people have this problem daily. I really do love my job, 8 days out of 10.

For the last three weeks, our machine has been undergoing a big overhaul and upgrade. Now it's all kinds of spiffy (even more than before, as CMM still is in awe of the machine he is yet to see in person). Not only has our machine been down (so to speak) but The Good Doctor has been out of town on vacation, climbing some godforsaken mountain range in Europe. (Must be nice...I know...)

SO! As I sit here pondering what I can blog about so that it looks like I"m actually typing up more forms (I've got about 30 done so far, I deserve a fun typing break) and instead I'm blogging, I have struggled to find something to post about. I have come up with a couple of things...

1) My email conversations (read: tangents) with my good friend C. Daily the two of us Front Desk Jockeys share tidbits about life, our patients (w/o naming names of course, we aren't THAT dumb), our co-workers etc. Now, this used to happen when the two of us worked for different practices that shared office space. Now, neither of us work in the same office space, however she is still with the same practice. C has Beans (her now 7 month old adorable munchkin) who we discuss often and she sends me fun pictures of Beans up on all 4s (she's about to crawl) and entertains me with how she can just see Beans starting to have eagle-eye sights on the cat's tail or the dog's back leg. It's just a matter of time before someone loses some fur. C and I used to see each other weekly at our women's group, but now that THAT has imploded (long story...mucho later will I talk more about that...if you're lucky) we don't get to see each other nearly enough to satisfy either of us. We have had a couple of our Chipotle dates (don't underestimate the power of a Chipotle margarita...holy hell...$4 and stronger than most "nice" restaurants!!!!) so we can catch up, laugh hysterically (literally drinks have been snorted, falling out of chairs has been extremely close to happening...it's rather hysterical to watch) and then we have to go on our merry way(s).

Our email tangents run the gamut from how Beans is doing, how are she and her hubby doing, to how things were with my former roommate, to the obnoxious things patients say or expect, the way co-workers seem to have extremely high opinions of themselves...all kinds of things. This week however, our tangent has been extremely focused on a member of the NFL. Namely a certain quarterback who we both ADORE and would drop whatever man we may be with if he ever gave either of us the time of day. The rest of the story will be delved into shortly in my next bullet point. One of my favorite email threads with C was when we were planning her baby shower with our women's group, and I was asking her what type of cake she wanted. C has fought off gestational diabetes so when she found out from her gawd-awful glucose test that she wasn't diabetic, my first question was (and I quote) Sooo...what type of cake do you want for your shower?"

2) The Betrayal.

This week, my life was sent spinning when a certain NFL quarterback who is extremely talented decided to send his loyal fans into a royal sh*t fit. I speak of the oh-so-talented yet oh-so-daft Brett Favre.

I love this man. I have for years. C, myself and my friend AQ have all taken turns saying how we would all put him on our "List". (You all know what I'm talking about...if not, I'll tell you when you're older.) I have been a loyal Green Bay Packers fan since college. However...Brett left us in a huge ordeal of a retirement press conference two seasons ago. Then, oops, I'm not done, I'm going to go play for New York and wear the wrong shade of green. Ok, I got over that pretty easily. I can honestly say I didn't tune in to many NYJ games...I'm a Green Bay Cheesehead. Godspeed. Now, I've said he should have stayed retired since he left Green Bay. Instead, the jerk decided yeah, STILL not done after retiring AGAIN. Of all the teams he can go to, he goes to MINNESOTA. Wow. Green Bay's rival...the only way to have made that worse was to go to the Bears. (That was a direct friendly dig at my friend Chris, he's a great guy, just a Bears fan...we all have our faults.) Back to Brett...honestly going to Minnesota was like spitting in the face of 16 years of Green Bay fans and a team that GAVE YOU YOUR CAREER. Before Green Bay, you were a pine-pony riding snot nosed rookie in Atlanta. Now, you are a record-holding, hall-of-fame caliber (I may hate his team choice, but the man is still an amazing football player...can't deny that.) quarterback who can command obscene amounts of money for what you do.

Traitor

3) Fantasy Football

If we are gearing up for Fantasy Football season, guess what else is right around the corner...you got it...REAL NFL FOOTBALL. I don't know what it is...maybe it's one of the things that rubbed off on me so much from working at ESPN Zone. I went in a rabid hockey fan, but in the last couple years, I've become so much more of a football fan! Maybe it's the fact that I was drawn more into the football world with Fantasy Football...I actually had to pay attention to what was going on so that my own little team of men wouldn't get trounced on every game! The other very valid and possible reason...football plays once a week...hockey plays so often I lose track! Don't get me wrong, I still hold a dear place in my heart for my toothless grinning hockey boys. My attention has merely shifted. For good.

And on that note, I leave you for now...good luck and Godspeed!!!

Relay Has Come and Gone and a Myriad of Other Thoughts...

Wow...that was fast. 

It seems like just yesterday that I had mentioned possibly getting more involved in Relay close to church. Relay was Friday and stretched into Saturday. It was great! I missed being involved like I was the first go round, but holy buckets...this time was a LOT hotter than when I did it before! Anyways...it was great. Good times with my folks that came out and walked with us, and had great friend time with all my girls. I don't get to just sit and chat often enough with most of them, and I am constantly reminded why I love my friends. They are all amazing people. This year was still emotional for me when they read my Grandma and Aunt's names, but I guess in some way it starts to get easier? I'm not sure yet. I know it's still tough on my mom. The Relay committee was recruiting me pretty hardcore...I don't know yet. The thought of dealing with planning a Relay while all the crap with work is going on makes me want to shoot myself in the head (which somehow has become my new catchphrase...). However, I keep telling myself, next year, there is no way to tell if work will be this crazy or not.

C came out to walk with me for a while, and we had so much fun...skipping, doing the monkey dance (not to be repeated most likely) and gossiping like 2 teenagers. Hey, we may be a few years removed from actually having those years attached to us...(ok, so we're almost double that age, but hey, we've accepted it, so should you...move on) but we never tire of our weird sense of humor. Hard to believe that she and I have only known each other a couple years, feels like a whole lot longer than that!

My BFF is in town from Arizona...we got to spend an entire day doing classic J and Ch things...is it absolutely terrible that I just don't feel like we got to go into everything we need to? Like there's this feeling of something unfinished. Can't quiiiite put my finger on it. Hmm...she's still here for the rest of this week, I think getting together on another day besides the night of her birthday party is going to have to be in order. (Sidenote...this blog has taken me a bit longer than normal to finish, I've already had an extra dinner w/her.  Yay!)

Work is a bit of a quandary right now.  We're all in the adjustment phase b/c we have a new manager.  D is a nice guy, I guess I liked working for my last boss (MO) so much, it's weird to have to hit the brakes and switch gears now to figure out this one's new ins and outs.  It's amazing how people's nuances are soooo different from person to person.  I'd like to think I'm actually doing really well with the change.  I know that I'm handling it better than my co-worker TCI (The Crazy Italian).  She was so used to just doing things w/o management involvement, to have D asking questions is driving her berserk.  I guess habits for a very stubborn, 50 year old, Italian woman are hard to break.  

With our new standard RT system going in, I have a lot of forms to re-create for our new doctor, Dr. S.  My inner nerd is rejoicing because I get to play on the computer for the rest of the week (like I don't do this every day...oh wait, was that out loud??)  but the other part of me that knows every time I sit down to tweak forms, I'm going to be interrupted by the phone ringing is cringing...wheeeeeee.  

Well, I guess that's about all for today...thus far.  Stay tuned...

Volleyball...my lost love...

So, after going to Lake day with Fusion yesterday, and playing volleyball (or a sad rendition of it anyways) with folks, I have realized a couple things.

1 - I'm not as young as I used to be, and therefore, I don't bounce back like I used to either!

2 - I miss playing volleyball desperately.

3 - I need to get in better shape to play.

4 - I'm still not a fan of sand court v-ball, but I still have a love affair with indoor traditional court volleyball.

5 - I have a long way to go, but I think I'm finally ready to kick my own ass into gear to get there.

Now, as I sit here blogging this all out...I'm watching the priceless gem of a TV show, "Made" on MTV...do they make Made coaches for "grown-ups"? ;)

Things I've Heard While Sitting At the Front Desk...

This could also be known as "things I've pretended to work while listening to".  

I sit at the front desk at my office.  I am out in the open with full access (and listening distance) to patients' families.  Some of the stories I hear make me ill, make me laugh and make me cry.

I work in oncology...this is NOT a fun disease. 

The ones that make me ill are the family members who don't care what the patient wants, they are going to drive this patient to kingdom come and back because they aren't ready to let go yet, but the patient is just done fighting and wants to go home.  The other ones that make me ill are the patients who don't care who they offend, they are who they are (which I respect to a point!) and are going to tell dirty jokes to their grown daughter and since he's hard of hearing, will ANNOUNCE THEM TO THE WORLD.

The ones that make me laugh are my patients who come in, and with their cute little bald heads shining (if they've just finished chemo) will tell me jokes, laugh about stupid things going on in the world and their family members who sit in my waiting room, waiting for their friend or family member.  

The cases that make me cry, are the parents of the 13 year old who is back for his FOURTH round of accelerated radiation, the little old married couple who are in their 90's and she's trying to stay strong while the love of her life is fighting for his.  (They are also one of the cutest couples you will ever meet.)  

I have heard everything from the traditional small talk "(insert descriptor here) weather we're having!", "oh that's a nice bag!", "what are you making?" (many folks bring some kind of craft to keep themselves busy) to the more serious, when they discuss a patient's progress or how they have been responding to treatments.  

I consider myself lucky to be where I am at.  I have a daily appreciation for the life that I have.  I try to make a concerted effort to make any patient's appointment, setup, or treatment as easy as possible, it's the least that little ol' me can do in this crazy time of their lives.  Plus...happy doctor + happy patients = no drama.  Well, I take that back...there's always drama...there's just less of it if you keep the other two happy!  

Pure and Unadulterated Frustration.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

It's not like I haven't been trying. I have spent countless hours and numerous dollars to try to change my "relationship status". eHarmony, match.com, plentyoffish.com, christianmatch.com, all doing nothing but drive home the point that I was/am PAYING for rejection. I get this plenty on my own...remind me again WHY I'm paying my hard earned money for this "service" I already get for free? (Dangit...I just lost a huge paragraph I just typed out here...grrr) I have gone at least 3 rounds with 2 of the afore mentioned websites. If you have ever looked into it...it ain't cheap. I'm also not just sitting out there with a great profile and recent (!) pictures that actually look like me. I actively try to put myself out there. I make contact. All with no results. A friend who also has gone through the online dating thing pointed out that of all the contacts he made, he only actually met up with 2 or 3 people. However...he at least had responses. I get to a certain point (rarely past the first couple questions) and WHAM. Match closed. Again I ask...WHY do I PAY for rejection? ARGH.

I normally have no issues with the fact that I'm single, however every so often that freakin' voice in my head shows up...and somehow manages to wiggle out of the box I have her locked in.

"Yeah, if you only looked like THAT you'd so be in a relationship or married by now...but look at you...yeah....you..."

There is a reason that voice is locked in a box. She's a bitch. I am who I am and I am worth it dammit. Now if only I could find the lock again...

On a second note...my new gym membership card arrived the other day. I think it's time to break it out and start using it again. I do miss the burn of a good workout, I miss feeling stronger. I did get a great compliment from my brother-in-law though today. I have felt pretty sure that I've put back on most of the weight I lost before their wedding. I mentioned this today and he looks at me, and says "Uh...no you haven't! You still look great!" See...love this addition to our fam...

Now, if only I could find what obviously the rest of my family has...dammit, where is that LOCK????

I Think I Found the New Marley…and my ode to the wireless internet connection.

I’ve blogged before about my adventures in house and dog sitting, and have given my laundry list of things that while are in no way a requirement, but are definitely greatly appreciated.  Some of these things include a list of anything I might expect during the week, ample supply of pet food (if required), a decent supply of human food (hey…I can’t bring my fridge with me…) and the one geeky thing I crave, an Internet connection.  I can’t complain too much, I have all of the above.  Plus to be fair, not long after I blogged about house sitting before, I took myself out of the business.  I took this job strictly because it's a chance for me to get out of my house, and these are dear friends.

As I write the latest of my mental ramblings, I sit in a dear friend’s house with their less than 1-year-old dog.  This dog is ADD on crack.  (Self described by my dear friend, the dog’s owner.)  I’ve known from many a soiree here at Homestead X that the neighbors to the north of the house don’t like the folks that call this house home.  Didn’t realize how much this was really true until this time around.  You see, this was the first time I’ve stayed at the X’s since they’ve gotten “Marley”. 

Sidenote: I call him Marley not only to protect his identity, but it’s an accurate description.  Now, you may conjure up in your brain a lovable ball of yellow fur, and rightly so if you’ve read the book and/or seen the movie “Marley and Me”.  However, let me straighten you out a bit…big enough when he jumps on me to almost put his paws at my waist and not exactly a lap dog.  Oh and not that color matters, but he’s not yellow or golden.  Try ebony with a few splashes of white.  Don’t get me wrong, “Marley” is a sweet dog and as I saw earlier this week, he would bark fiercely at anyone trying to talk to me while we are in the house.  I digress…

Apparently Marley likes to bark.  A lot.  I don’t know how accurate this is though because I, like most of the human world, work during the day so I am not home to monitor his barking habits, volume, etc.  The crotchety little old man who lives next door however has plenty of retired living time to monitor this for me as well as alert the local authorities as to the amount of barking that has been going on.  Now, in the interest of full disclosure, my life has been a LOT more hectic this week with work than has been in the regular past so I’ve gotten home later than normal this week.  How nice of him to then come and inform me of his decision to call the police AFTER he has already done so.  Thanks dude.

All dogs bark, all dogs chew and all dogs go to heaven.  Of these three things I’m sure.  I’ve also come to the realization that there are more than just a few fictional dogs (the real Marley) that aren’t big fans of thunder and lightening storms. “Marley” being one of them.  I was home for a few good solid hours after work, played around with him, etc.  I was informed by the owners (who sadly, I had to call on their vacation to see what to do with him while I was at work because I really didn’t want the neighbor to make good on his threat to call the cops AGAIN and face coming home from work to a noise disturbance (or whatever it would be) ticket on the door and the dog taken to the pound) that they had gotten a hold of a friend to take him to the dog park and wear him out sufficiently for me during the day.  A trip to the park that I’m sure “Marley” not only enjoyed, but also needed.  My hope was that with the trip to the park, he was worn out enough that if I locked the back door, and was only gone for 2-3 hours (it was 2.75, I timed it) he would be fine.  Enter Mother Nature, stage left.  Thunder, lightening and torrential rain.  I come home…to 3 poops and one pee stain in the carpet.  Wheee.  I can’t blame him, I technically said "Sorry, you can’t go outside for the next 3 hours, so hold it."  He just got too worked up to hold his little insides in anymore.  It’s cleaned up, I’m over it, w/e. 

The bigger “adventure” so to speak has been hoping that when I got home, the only destruction I would find would be stuffing out of his beloved chew toys.  Apparently, “Marley” has an affinity for DVD’s.  And not just one movie, like an entire season of a show at a time.  Our standing total thus far (and we have 2 days to go) is 7.  Yes, all of the DVD’s have been moved.  However, the two other stuffed animals that he has found, were on top of a roll top desk.  I swear, this dog is part monkey.  Oh, and he apparently loves breakfast cereal, I mean come on, what dog doesn’t right?  The other thing that Marley has become fond of is firewood.  What better than something that splinters to be gnawing on right?  Oh well, as long as it's outside, I don't really mind.  It's when he brings it INSIDE we run into a problem.  Well, I finally discovered his supply of firewood inside and managed to get that put away.  I must say that Oreck XL vacuums...totally live up to their hype.  This sucker SUCKS!  (and I mean that in a good way...it's a vacuum for crying out loud)

I was warned to put my own things up and out of sight if I wanted them to remain intact.  Thankfully, that hasn’t been a problem and all of my shoes are still my shoes and have no chewing marks on them.  Thank you Jesus for doors the dog can’t open.  However, as of last night, I have my first casualty.  Now, this wasn't just left lying around either.  The dog has chewed through my power cord for my laptop...*sigh* sadly THAT is not going to be cheap for his parents to replace...

As for my affinity for a wireless Internet connection, it’s something that is purely selfish, plain and simple.  The ability to use my own computer where I have things where I want/need them, the ability to be anywhere in the house and use my computer instead of in one room.  (Okay, that part is probably me just being lazy, plain and simple, but still…it’s me.)  I always feel a bit guilty using someone else’s because I never want to accidentally screw something up.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going anywhere I shouldn’t, but some people’s computers are a bit more finicky than others.  Yes, I could go somewhere that has free wi-fi, but when I’m watching a house and dog like “Marley” if I’m able to stay home with him, I’d rather…to prevent any other problems, neighbors or chew toys alike.  Plus, who doesn’t like surfing the web from the comfort of pjs and sitting on your bed?

Just some friendly advice...

Gentlemen...just a word to the wise.  If you are braving the internet dating scene...do NOT make the one and only picture you put up, the one that will most likely be your profile picture, a picture of you sandwiched between two Hooters waitresses.  Seriously???

FAIL.

The Things That Run Through My Mind...

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I started this entry last week...it's taken me that long to get around to finishing it.  Apparently I'm too easily distracted from doing a mental unload to...oooooooo....new pens!

On an average day, I like most people, have a slew of random thoughts that run through my brain.  Do I have a clean pair of pants to wear to work?  Where's my cell phone?  Why didn't I go to bed earlier?  I shouldn't have eaten that, I SHOULD have eaten THAT.  Where's my cell phone?  Holyyyy cow...he was HOT!!!  With my ADD brain, the list is enormous and not worth delving into really.

It's today's thoughts that make me think harder...

What is wrong with me?  I should be bouncing back from a long weekend of having fun...get back into the groove of things.  I can't.  I am exhausted.  I come home at night, and I'm sure if my body would let me, I would fall asleep at 8pm, but instead, even if my ass is in bed by 10, I lie awake and cannot fall asleep until at least 12 or 1.  

I had a good friend extend an offer to me that I couldn't pass up.  I feel extremely humbled that she thought of me, and am sure that I will not regret my decision later on, but what is it about accepting help (in one form or another) that makes you either feel like you can't do it (like I do now) or somehow no matter how gracious the offer is, you just don't want to take it?

This same good friend asked me last night if I was okay.  I gave the stock answer of yes, but tired, recovering from the wedding (my sister's, not mine...yeah, like THAT wouldn't have been posted about.) was taking a bit longer etc.  I got to thinking about it today...I don't know that I AM.  

I've been emailing with a good friend today and seeing if she wants to get together for dinner.  (Big deal you say.)  I wanted to work around her schedule, she's a new mommy...I know that working around a baby's schedule can make or break a get together.  She was so cute..."you're the one with hopping social life...you tell me..."  Umm, is it bad that I'm ready to NOT be so busy?  That I'm ready to be able to go home, sit down and chill out?  I love my friends dearly, but lately I don't know what it is...I'd rather be home than out.  Maybe it's because I'm not 21 anymore and can't bounce back like I used to.  (FYI, no jokes about age are needed, thanks, and YES a decade (holy shit, a full decade) does make a difference in how quickly you recover!!!)

I'm fine with getting older, I'm fine with the fact that both of my younger siblings (not that I have any others) are in great relationships and one is married before me.  I was seriously floored that I got the question of "how are doing with the fact that your younger sister is getting married before you?" during the whole melee of wedding preparations.  YES!  I am FINE with it!  Are you kidding?  Do you know how much I learned by watching what my sister went through?  I swear, you may help a lot of friends do things for their weddings, but until it's THAT close to home...you have a new appreciation for all the crap one must consider before throwing yourself the biggest party ever.  My dad asked me when planning for my sister's wedding was starting to ramp up "How are you doing with all this?", now, you might say "You just said you were fine..." and trust me, I am...when your Daddy asks though, he's asking because he's thinking about his other kids outside of the bride (or groom as the case may be) not because he's being condescending or rude.  My answer (and I quote) was: "Are you kidding?  I'm fine!  I get to sit back and watch how you and Mom handle all this and decide if I really DO want to run off to Vegas or if I want to actually consider having some kind of "real" wedding."  After watching everything...I can officially tell you that it will take a lot of convincing to make me want something other than Las Vegas.  I do draw the line at the drive thru wedding though.  Oh but rest assured, Elvis WILL be involved somehow.  If no other reason than just to piss off my mother.  

Life is good, I can't really complain...I can piss and moan about the daily things that piss me off, but I am employed, I truly love my job (despite what I may bitch about some days), I have a family that loves me, and I'm relatively healthy.  My basics are covered, I have a roof over my head, bills that I have money to pay, food to eat, clothes to cover me.  Why then do I feel like something is missing?

*Sigh* I should probably get back to work...after all, I want to keep this job, keep being able to pay my bills etc...ha ha.

Adios for now...

Gunshy

So the last year has been quite the circle.  

This time last year, I had just celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my last practice.  I love(d) my docs and co-workers, hate(d) my paycheck.  I knew I could earn more and do well at what I do.  

I turned 30 in June, a big birthday, I threw myself a big party.  I wanted a Wii as my present.  My amazing sister and future brother-in-law, made it happen (by recruiting lots of friends and their financial contributions) and gave me a great present to go along with a great party.

My little sister got engaged!  I'm so excited for her.  I am dying to use the line from 27 Dresses on the next person who asks me (and hasn't already gotten my answer) how I'm doing with the fact that my younger sister is getting married before me.  Um, last I checked, I'm not dead.  Yet.

I moved out of living with my folks after getting back on my feet and moved in with a roommate.

I had fallen pretty hard for a guy I met at church.  I thought the world of him.  My roommate fell for him after we started hanging out.  They started dating.  This rocked my world to it's core.  I felt a myriad of emotions, all of which I do not need to go into now.

I found a new job that pays me a lot closer to what I feel I'm worth.  They appreciate me, not that my last job didn't, but I feel like here I actually make my own little difference in the world.  Don't get me wrong, I know I touched some patients' lives at my last practice, at least I really tried to.  In my current job, I don't know, maybe it's because cancer has affected my own life so deeply, here I just feel like I'm doing my little part to fight this nasty disease.  

Made it through the holidays, single.  Again.  Hmmm...*checking pulse* yup, still not dead.  Yet.

Happy New Year!  

Still working at the same place, living in the same place.  Roommate is still dating the guy.  End of January, they broke up...not pretty...but somehow, by no strength of my own, was able to be supportive of a fellow woman with a broken heart.

February brought change; change of address.  Things happened suddenly and very unexpectedly.  I am now a resident of the lovely city of Arvada again, living with my parents.  Not my ideal...but it will work for the time being.  Plus this way, am able to spend more time with my sister prior to wedding festivities.

Have noticed someone lately...but because of what happened in the last six months, am incredibly hesitant to verbalize any kind of feeling for fear that it will be snatched away again.  Maybe not by the same person, but by someone else.  I got burned pretty badly this last go round and the thought of putting myself through those feelings again, makes me want to never admit that *checking pulse* yup, still not dead...yet.  

One of my closest and dearest girlfriends makes a great point, if you don't take a risk, you can't make a gain.  (I also have a close male confidant who has put this to my attention many a time in the past too...)  But once you are burned, what sane person wants to put your hand out over that flame again?

I guess the only way to not be gunshy with the sound of the starting gun is to just keep running the race...look out starting line...I'm starting to lace up my shoes.  (What, I have to start somewhere...and no *checking pulse* STILL not dead.  Yet.)

The Stomach Moved...

So my rant regarding what has been going on in life was met with some support as well as opposition. Due to so many outside factors, I've chosen to privatize the entry. If I have told you to come to this site, please email me, and I will simply email you the epistle.